WAITING

One morning I was awakened very early by my mother's quiet voice, "Micki, come with me.  I have something to show you."  We went outside where it was cool and wet and getting light.  She took me to the side of the garage where the southern California sun came first in the backyard.  She kept her hand closed and handed me a small shovel and said, "I need you to dig a hole." When the hole was big enough she said it was just right, and she opened her hand and placed in my palm a hard, bumpy, ugly, brown thing.  I felt sorry for the unpromising thing.  She said, "This is called a bulb, and you have to put it in the hole, this side up."  I was surprised that it would need any special instruction. She put four more bulbs in the ground. I loved to spend time with my mommy, and she knew so much, and asked me for help many times. I was four years old, and happy when I pleased her.

Once she told me I had to stay with my grandparents in Wyoming for a time, and asked if I would help her by being good. I was scared to stay with them and not see my family. I don't know why they all went without me, and was afraid they might not come back for me.  My grandma didn't like dirt and she had a very clean house. I somehow managed to have dirt on me all the time. She got mad when I smudged dirt accidentally on her walls. She took me into her garage where there was a metal sink and angrily scrubbed my hands roughly until they were red and sore. She told me this is how clean she wanted me to stay.

When I had to take a nap I was afraid I would get her white chenille bedspread dirty or pee on it if I did fall asleep. So when she left the room I got off the bed and stood on the shiny, clean, hardwood floor, afraid to move. I stood there a long time. I got pains in my legs from standing still (my mom said arthritis runs in the family). The pain made me cry. Also the dark room with all the shades down  frightened me, adding more tears, and I thought that I might be in trouble for breaking the rules, or left here because I was such a crybaby and so clingy. I didn't cry out loud or they would be mad at my fussing and say, "See you are a fussbudget!"  When it was time on the clock for my nap to be over, I climbed back on the bed and lay still, wiped my face, and pretended to be asleep until grandma Dorothy came in and said I could get up now.

Some things I loved, like the orderly backyard with soft grass and trimmed edges, the fence with its perfect triangular pattern, and the flowers (called pansies ) with their pretty faces.  When they bought me a cowgirl outfit (blue-gray with lasso design in navy blue trim) I wore it as much as I was allowed.  I liked my grandfather's strong face, and most of all I liked the way my grandparents held me as if they enjoyed me! I was sure I'd never be able to make them happy, and many times I got angry looks and words from them. I was nervous until my mother did really come back for me.

Now my mother was asking for my help again.  She wanted to know if I would  help her care for this bulb and wait to see what happened.  Anxious to make her proud, I agreed.  I asked her what was going to happen, and she said, "Wait!"  Glad to have a secret, and a way to win her trust, I regularly went with her out back to care for the dirt. It was the same.  It was hard for me to wait each day, and I was worried that we would never see the thing happen that we waited for.  She always just said with assurance, "Wait!"  

One morning we did see tiny green stems pushing through the soil.  Green was living, and I loved that color so much more than brown, and my mother and I were rewarded for our long wait. I was so happy!  She said that we still had to wait.  Now we had more jobs to do.  We had to protect the stems from snails, and as they grew stalks we had to tie them up for support.  They were getting big.  One day they were as tall as me! They had bumps called buds that got round and fat.  With each change I asked if it had happened yet, and she just said, "Wait!" 

When I was learning to wait, she told me she was going to have a baby and asked what did I think she should have--a girl or a boy. I spent a long time thinking and then told her I thought we should have a boy, because it would be fair, since we had two boys and then two girls. She asked the other kids, but I was sure she thought the most of what I said. Now there were more jobs, getting ready for the baby. 

One morning Mom took me outside to look at the flower stalks.  I was so amazed to find it had happened! The bumps had burst into big, beautiful, white, pink and yellow flowers and she said they were gladiolas! I had so much joy with our flowers that grew as tall as I did and opened themselves all up. I felt changed. I knew I was growing up like them, and as my mother's belly got bigger and rounder I wondered what changes the baby would bring, and I remembered she just said, "Wait!"



Micki, at left, in her cowgirl dress, with her sister Alicia, brother Carson standing, and brother Stewart sitting and holding the answer to Micki's wish, a baby brother named Dennis.